


I Think You Need a New Job

by Phandabbydosey



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Care of Magical Creatures, Crossover, Dan is a clumsy shit, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Injuries, Serious Injuries, Squibs, healer!Phil, snake bite - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 04:40:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9368288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phandabbydosey/pseuds/Phandabbydosey
Summary: Phil, a trainee healer, is intrigued by the new assistant groundskeeper who can’t seem to stop getting hurt. (Hogwarts AU)





	

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is phandabbydosey if you would rather read this over there :D

Phil loved working in the Infirmary. Everyday he saw the weird and wonderful injuries that he remembered himself from his days studying at Hogwarts. First years coming in with broken bones and concussions from broomstick accidents, students being dragged up from the dungeon and covering the room with pink, glittery vomit from failed potions and kids wailing about how their prank had ended up with their friend’s skin turning a fluorescent orange that actually hurt to look at. Phil saw everything and learnt something new everyday, watching Madam Pomfrey with wide eyes as she bustled about, treating the students efficiently with her seemingly endless knowledge of magical ailments and their cures.

Phil hoped to one day take over and become the school healer, but he knew he still had a long way to go. While he could already fix bones with a simple flick of his wand and had managed to memorise nearly all the counter charms for all the potentially dangerous spells in the first volume Standard Book of Spells, he still had a lot of work to do on antidotes and potions.

Phil enjoyed listening to the students chatting away to their friends while they waited to be released back into the school halls, making him miss his school days somewhat. The simplicity of it all and the carefree attitude the younger kids had, just enjoying learning how to cast amazing spells like their parents. He was content though, happy to spend his time in the castle which held so many happy memories for him.

Phil was walking through the corridors, heading back to the Infirmary after being sent down to the Quidditch field to mend a broken arm. The start of the Quidditch season was always the worst, especially now that Madam Pomfrey trusted him enough to do simple healing alone. It meant a lot of walking back and forth and aching feet, but it was easier than having the injured student carried all the way up to the hospital wing.

He glanced out one of the windows as he walked, looking down onto the grounds and the Forbidden Forest. As per usual, a plume of wispy smoke was lazily rising from the chimney of Hagrid’s hut. What wasn’t usual, however, was the other hut that had been erected beside Hagrids.

It was much smaller - probably housing no more than a single bed and a stove - and square, made from the same material as Hagrid’s. It looked much sturdier and cleaner though, all the roof tiles firmly in place and the wood paneling outside totally free of mould, proving just how recently it had been built.

Phil frowned as he looked over the structure, just wondering what it’s purpose was when the wooden door swung open and a young man with brown hair stepped out. He paused, his head moving as if he were looking all around, then he stepped out and walked into Hagrid’s hut.

Phil had never seen the man before and made a mental note to ask around and find out.

 

—————————–

 

Turns out Phil didn’t need to wait long to find out who the new guy was, only until dinner that night.  Once the clinking of cutlery died down and the students had settled into just chatting idly, the headmistress tapped her glass demerly with her fork, calling for silence. She stood up, clearing her throat then began to speak in her usual, authoritative voice.

“Students, before you all leave for the night, I would like to introduce you to a new member of staff,” she gestured to the door behind the teachers table as it opened, the same young man Phil had seen earlier stepping through and waving shyly towards the long tables filled with students. He was much younger than Phil had guessed, his slightly round face and lanky body suggesting he hadn’t long ago left his teenage years behind. “This is Mr. Howell and he is going to be the new assistant groundskeeper to Professor Hagrid. You may see him around the grounds or during you Care of Magical Creatures classes so don’t be afraid to say hello.”

The students were dismissed after that but Phil didn’t miss the lingering looks some of the girls were giving Mr. Howell. He didn’t blame them really, now he was closer Phil could see just how…pretty Mr. Howell was. With warm, chocolate eyes set into the coffee stained skin of his almost delicate face, framed by a shaggy but very cute mop of shiny brown hair, he was absolutely gorgeous. He spotted Phil looking at him and gave him a sheepish smile, flashing pearly white teeth and making a dimple press deeply into his left cheek.

Phil knew straight away that he was a goner.

 

————————————-

 

Phil managed to speak to Mr Howell a little before he headed back to the Hospital Wing, finding out simple details. His name was Dan, he was twenty years old and came from near Reading. Phil managed to tell him he was training to be a healer but then Hagrid had arrived and told Dan they needed head off and take the cockatrices back to their pens before nightfall.

Dan had just nodded and said goodbye to Phil, giving him another small smile before following Hagrid out into the grounds again.

Phil watched him go with a smile on his face, waving a little too enthusiastically and blushing slightly when he saw a few of the students still sat at the tables sniggering at him. He quickly headed off to his room in the Hospital Wing, his cheeks still stained rosy red.

 

———————————–

 

“I heard he got expelled for hexing a teacher so bad he got sent to St. Mungo’s.”

“Well, I heard it was because he got hold of a baby dragon and let it out in the great hall during his Charms O.W.L.”

“I heard he’s Squib.”

“No way, I reckon he got himself kicked out like Hagrid and Mcgonagall took pity on him. He got the same job Hagrid did when he was expelle-”

“And who’re you lot gossiping about now?” Phil asked loudly, cutting over the group of second years who’d been tittering for the whole time they’d been in the infirmary. Their friend had managed to have all his hair removed during an argument and, after the usual remedy spell had given him bright purple eyebrows, Madam Pomfrey had given him a potion that was slowly bringing his usual hair back. However, they hadn’t quite managed to get rid of the eyebrows yet.

“Mr Howell, the new assistant groundskeeper,” one of the girls piped up, another boy cutting over her moments later.

“He’s, like, twenty and my older brother would’ve been in Hogwarts when he was but he says he never saw or heard of him and none of his friends do either. So everyone’s trying to work out why he wasn’t in school.”

Phil rolled his eyes and shook his head a little, though inside he realised it was slightly strange, especially since none of the faculty seemed to recognise him either. It was Dan’s business though and he wouldn’t have been hired if there wasn’t a reason. “Hogwarts isn’t the only school,” Phil suggested, checking over the boy’s slightly-less-bald head and eyebrows which were slowly fading back to blonde, “Or maybe he was just quiet. I think that’s much more likely that released a dragon into an exam hall.”

The students grumbled as Phil walked away, unhappy about him ruining their fun. Phil just ignored them though, his thoughts occupied by the mysterious Mr. Howell.

 

———————————

 

Phil was just sitting in the Infirmary, reading, one sleeping student being the only other person in the room. It was peaceful, something Phil didn’t usually get to experience. He glanced up when Madam Pomfrey bustled into the room, smiling when she saw him.

“Ah Phil, just who I needed. A student just came up saying Hagrid needed a medic down by his hut, Mr Howell has injured himself.”

Phil nodded and quickly grabbed the first aid bag, rushing out of the room. He was unusually worried, the idea of Dan being hurt making his stomach twist unpleasantly. Even though Madam Pomfrey’s calmness proved it was nothing serious, Phil still walked as quickly as he could down to Hagrid’s hut.

As he walked around the hut, he caught sight of Hagrid’s great bulk knelt on the ground, obscuring most of what he was leaning over from view. Phil knew it would be Dan though.

He sped up a little when he heard a groan of pain, kneeling beside Hagrid and looking over Dan. He didn’t seem completely unconscious, but his eyes were only just open and soft, indiscernible noises were slipping out of his slightly parted lips. It didn’t take a healing student to see the way his leg was twisted unnaturally and the blood congealing in his hair so Phil quickly got to work, pulling out his wand and muttering the incantations needed to fix Dan up.

“What happened Hagrid?”

“Well I was just showin’ my class some Auguereys and tellin’ them all about the history and what not. Dan was helpin’ me out and holding one then it just took off, kept a hold of Dan and flew ‘im right up into the trees and dropped ‘im. I tried to catch ‘im but he was too far away.”

Phil nodded along to Hagrid’s story whilst he worked, quickly repairing the broken leg and making sure there was no concussion or serious head injury before closing up the cut on Dan’s head. He found it odd that Dan hadn’t just used magic to stop his fall, but supposed everything just happened too fast for him to get his wand out.

Dan was still out of it but Phil leant back on his feet, letting out a contented sigh at his completed work. He wanted to stay and look after Dan - he’d still be pretty sore when he woke up properly - but he knew Madam Pomfrey would have his head if he wasted time looking after someone who didn’t need it.

“Well, he’s all fixed up now. Just take him to his bed and let him rest until tomorrow then he’ll be right as rain.”

Hagrid nodded determinedly and scooped Dan up into his arms as if he weighed nothing at all, thanking Phil and sending him a small, grateful smile before carrying Dan off towards his tiny house.

Phil watched him leave then headed back inside, finding his thoughts once again consumed by the new assistant groundskeeper.

 

————————————–

 

Phil didn’t expect to see Dan again for a long while, what with him being too busy to go wandering the grounds and Dan having little reason to come up into the Hospital Wing. It was a shame, but there was nothing he could do about it.

However, only a week after the incident with the Auguereys, while Phil was once again just sat reading, Dan appeared in the doorway to the Infirmary.

He smiled sheepishly when he saw Phil notice him, stepping into the room and holding out his hands. Phil gasped when he saw them, dropping his book and hurrying over to take a closer look.

“Merlin! What did you do Dan?”

His hands were completely burnt, most likely to the third degree, explaining why he was holding so carefully in front of him. It looked incredibly painful, but Dan was doing a stellar job of keeping it off his face.

“Hagrid and I were feeding the fire crabs ready for his lesson with them on Tuesday. One didn’t like me very much apparently.”

Dan’s chuckle was a little forced and Phil shook his head, grabbing above the burns and dragging Dan over to sit on one of the beds while he pulled out his wand. He could easily sort out burns on his own, he didn’t need to wait for Madam Pomfrey to come back.

“You’re daft,” Phil muttered, waving his wand over Dan’s palms and letting a blue wisp float out and caress Dan’s hands. He smiled when he heard the boy sigh with relief as the pain ebbed away, “Even I know you’re supposed to use Augamenti to put fire crabs out before handling them. Didn’t Hagrid tell you that?”

Dan bit his lip and, after a moment, shook his head. “I just forgot with this one,” he whispered, now avoiding eye contact with Phil.

Phil frowned but sensed Dan’s discomfort and backed down. “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being forgetful. I’m always putting the potions back in the wrong cupboards. I think Madam Pomfrey is on the verge of stupifying me sometimes.”

That got a chuckle out of Dan and Phil felt proud, knowing he’d broken the awkwardness. He slipped his wand back into his pocket and straightened up, giving Dan another smile. “Well, you’re hands are all sorted now so you can get back to Hagrid.”

Dan looked a little disappointed but nodded and got to his feet, cautiously touching them together then - once asserting they were healed - grinning at Phil. “Thank you,” he murmured, his dimple popping out as he turned to walk away, only to spin right back again, “Actually Phil, would you like to go into Hogsmeade sometime and get a coffee? I just, you seem really nice and we never see each other around unless I’m hurt so…it’d be nice to hang out I guess.”

Phil nodded and his smile grew even wider, his hair flopping onto his forehead as he nodded excitedly, making Dan giggle sweetly “Yes, of course! How about Saturday? I’ve got the day off so I’ll just come down to your hut when I’m ready.”  
“It’s a date.” Dan’s cheeks flamed red as he realised what he said and, a stuttered goodbye later, he’d twirled around and rushed away, leaving a sniggering Phil behind.

 

———————————–

 

Phil and Dan’s day in Hogsmeade was absolutely wonderful, the boys wasting their time wandering through the village and surrounding area before retreating into Madam Puddifoots Tea Shop. Neither fancied the loud, drunken wizards that would surround them in the Three Broomsticks, opting instead for the tea shop with heart shaped candles on the tables. They both knew the reputation it had as a ‘the haunt of happy couples’, but the atmosphere was warm and made their cheeks turn rosy.

The blushes might also have had something to do with the kiss they’d shared, but Phil chose to blame it on the hot drinks.

Phil was still glowing with happiness as he tended to the students in the beds, humming softly as he worked.

His happiness was shattered brutally by a gruff shout and the pounding of heavy footsteps. The heavy footsteps of a half-giant.

Phil spun around, his breath catching in his throat when he saw Dan, his slender body convulsing madly in Hagrid’s arms while the huge man struggled to hold him.

“Dan! O-Oh my god!” Phil gasped once he’d gotten over the shock, sprinting over to Hagrid and demanding to know what happened.

“He-He got bit. I-I swear I was keeping an eye on him an-an’ I thought it’d be easy to stop it before anything ‘appened but it-it…he dropped it and it bit his ankle.” Phil knew this had to be bad to shake Hagrid up, so he forced himself to calm down. It wouldn’t help Dan if he panicked now.

“Hagrid, what bit him?” Phil’s voice was strong and authoritative, finally snapping Hagrid out of his state.

“A runespoor.”

Phil swore. Runespoors were three headed snakes, classified as a ‘XXXX’ or ‘Dangerous’ by the Ministry of Magic, meaning only skilled wizards with specialist knowledge should handle them. The far right head was highly venomous, easily fatal. Phil didn’t even need to guess which head had bitten Dan.

“Right, go-go put him in one of the beds then go find Madam Pomfrey,” Phil ordered, rushing over to the bookshelf and quickly pulling out of the book he needed and slamming it onto the table. He heard Hagrid leaving as he started frantically flicking through to try and find the potion he needed. He really wished he’d studied potions more now.

It was hard to concentrate though with the sounds of the sheets rustling behind him as Dan’s body thrashed in pain. He didn’t make any noise other than weak whines and heavy exhales through his nose. Phil knew his throat and tongue would be swelling up, a defense of the snake venom to stop the victim from ingesting the antidote while it burned away the internal organs. Runespoor venom was far from a comfortable way to die.

Phil finally found the right potion, tearing the page from the book and scrambling over to the potion cabinet to find the bottle that matched the drawing in the book. It seemed to take forever - runespoor antivenom wasn’t very often needed so had been pushed right to the back - but eventually Phil was beside Dan’s bed and unscrewing the cap of the dark blue bottle.

“I’m sorry Dan,” he whispered, averting his gaze from Dan’s eyes as he got ready to administer the potion into Dan’s swollen throat. Using his index and middle finger, Phil pushed them into Dan’s mouth and into his throat, forcing the inflamed flesh apart to create a pathway for the medicine. He tried his utmost to ignore the horrid gagging sounds Dan was making, but he still saw his vision blurring with tears.

Once the right dose of antivenom was administered, Phil yanked his hands away and took a step back, staring at Dan’s body as he waited for it to stop writhing.

But it didn’t.

Phil didn’t know what to do and he felt tears spill onto his cheek, feeling utterly helpless. He looked up when Madam Pomfrey and Hagrid ran into the Infirmary, quickly wiping his face and swallowing down the lump in his throat.

“I…The antivenom didn’t work. I opened his throat and put it in properly but it-it hasn’t worked!”

Madam Pomfrey’s face was grim as she strode over to the bed, holding Dan’s head still and forcing his eyes open. Phil could see from where he was that the usually warm, chocolate brown had been replaced by a shocking lime green.

“It’s too late for the antivenom to work, we need to get him to St Mungo’s, _now_.”

 

————————————

 

After the incredibly stressful few hours, it felt strange for Phil to be sitting in silence and just watching Dan’s chest slowly rising and falling, holding his warm hand and gently stroking his thumb over his knuckles.

Luckily, they’d got Dan to St. Mungo’s in time for the healers to give him a different antivenom and repair the damage that the toxic chemical would have wreaked in his body. Now, all Dan had to do was sleep it off.

Phil had been sat by Dan’s bed all night, his eyes focused on his face so he caught the flutter of his eyelids instantly. He held his breath, watching as Dan’s eyes slowly opened. There was a thin line of bright green in the iris, scarring from the snake venom, but they were otherwise back to usual, coffee colour. Phil let out his breath and smiled, squeezing Dan’s hand gently.

“Hey there,” he murmured, his voice quiet to match the atmosphere in the room, “How’re you feeling?”

“Everything aches,” Dan pouted, turning his hand over to hold Phil’s properly, “What happened? I remember being with Hagrid with the runespoor snake but then It’s just nothing. Where even am I?”

“You’re in St Mungo’s Dan,” Phil explained, watching Da’s eyes widen in surprise, “You dropped the runespoor and it bit you. I gave you the antivenom but it-it was too late so we had to bring you here. I thought you were going to die.”

Phil’s voice cracked over the last sentence, tears starting to roll down his cheeks as he relived the fear and helplessness he’d felt when Dan didn’t respond to the antivenom. He’d never been that scared in his life, not even when he was in his first year and his broom had taken him out over the forbidden forest before throwing him off. It’d taken him six hours to find his way out of the forest, two of them being in complete darkness other than the measly stream of light from his wand.

Dan slowly pulled his hand away from Phil’s, raising it to wipe the tears away from Phil’s pale cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he whispered shakily, “I’m okay though, you got me here in time to save me.”

Phil nodded and took a deep breath to steady himself, leaning into Dan’s touch and looking into his eyes. His eyebrows furrowed slightly though, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth. “Dan? How come you didn’t stun the runespoor before it bit you? I mean, you would’ve seen it getting ready to bite you and you must’ve had enough time to get your wand out. Hagrid was talking about it as if…you _couldn’t_ stun it yourself.”

Phil saw Dan stiffen at the questions, immediately averting his eyes and falling silent.

“Dan? What’s going on with you? Please, I feel like you’re hiding from me.”

Dan sighed loudly and closed his eyes, keeping his head turned away from Phil out of shame. “I…I’m a squib Phil,” he admitted, a deep blush of humiliation colouring his cheeks, “I never use magic to save myself because I can’t. My mum was Charity Burbage, the Muggle Studies teacher that Voldemort killed. I was just a baby then, but Headmistresses Mcgonagall was friends with my mum and took me in because my dad wasn’t interested. She kept me even when she realised I was a squib and managed to get me the job as assistant groundskeeper so I didn’t have to go into the muggle world. She was amazing, like a mother to me.”

Phil was stunned, never having thought the talks of Dan being a squib could be anything more than a rumour. Apparently not though.

Phil saw the disgrace on Dan’s face and quickly started speaking, realising how the silence on Phil’s end would seem to Dan. He would think Phil was disgusted. “I don’t know why you’re looking like that Dan, I’m not going to think any less of you for being a squib,” Phil chuckled gently, wanting to reassure Dan as much as could with the friendly tone, “Honestly, you’re still the same person you were when we were in Puddifoot’s. Though maybe you should look for a different job. You definitely need magic to be able to survive Hagrid.”

That got a giggle out of Dan, his smile slowly growing to match Phil’s and making Phil internally sigh with relief. “Thank you,” he said, giving Phil’s hand a grateful squeeze, “No one’s ever reacted this well when I’ve told them. Normally people don’t want to associate with me anymore or get angry.”

“Well luckily I’m not like that, so you’re stuck with me,” Phil leant forward and pressed a sweet kiss to Dan’s lips, making them both blush darkly once again.

“I’d be more than happy to be stuck with you, Phil.”

 


End file.
